The random thoughts of an architect-turned- lawyer from the deep south living in Washington, DC...

Friday, October 20, 2006

I'm needy a female

I realize that relationships are difficult. I realize that you have to work very hard at it to make things work. I realize that men and women are just wired differently and sometimes what we ladies interpret or think is off base. BUT. Sometimes, just sometimes, I need to be needy. I do not consider myself a high maintenance type girlfriend, but I am still a woman. A woman who occasionally over-analyzes and doubts and feels un-loved and un-appreciated. I can fight it all I want. There is an element inside of me that is just plain needy. An element that I often times try to hide or push back. But that woman needy element is there and will probably always be there.

When these moments arose with my last boyfriend, I tried to talk to him about it. His response was always something to the effect of "ugh, Law-Rah, you need to understand that guys don't like to talk about things. Girls always want to talk. I am a guy and I hate talking. You just need to understand that." So, I would then sulk and go back to living it out in my head.

And then there is Ben. When I finally opened up to him about how I was feeling he sat on the phone with me for an hour and a half trying to understand. He simplified it with "oh, I understand this one. You are lonely and when a person is lonely, they think negative. It's very easy, you just have to be positive." Through my tears I tried to explain to him that it is just not that easy. He said that we are in this together and he will help make it easy. He said that he cannot live with me being sad.

Maybe that's it. Maybe my whole life I just needed someone who would work through it with me and not make me figure it out on my own.