The random thoughts of an architect-turned- lawyer from the deep south living in Washington, DC...

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Warning: Angry Post

Forewarning...I am in an extremely irratable mood. I feel the need to shout multiple vulgarities at random passers-by. Apparently, that is not so well received (I did that yesterday). So, I'm gonna vent here!

Dear Coca-Cola Refiller Guy at My Law School,
Read the f*ck*ng labels. It is not that hard. If the label says Diet Coke, don't f*ck*ng put Cherry flavored Coca Cola Zero in that slot. Period. If you ask me, you should not be putting that cherry sh*t anywhere! If, however, you and the coke folks decide that you want more people to try that filth, fine give away free samples or something. DO NOT put that crap in my Diet Coke slot. Don't think I have not figured you out. You are thinking "aw, what the hell? Maybe a couple of people get the wrong drink. So what." You are thinking that if I (or others) are annoyed enough, then I can read the label on the front of the machine and go to some location six blocks away for my refund. You probably assume that I will decide that it won't be worth my time to actually follow through. Well, we will see who has the last laugh after I go to Costco and buy an assload of your cherry sh*t just to return it to you for my $1.25 refund per bottle. Don't think I won't!
Your thirsty friend.

Dear A**hole Daddy Driver,
Okay, let's have a little talk about strategies for exiting the Harris Teeter parking lot. I realize it can get congested and an idiot like you might easily get confused. There are two lanes, right? You still with me? You may have noticed indications that the cars in the left lane must turn left (for example: the left turn arrow, the line of cars turning left, or all of the left blinkers.) The cars in the right lane, on the other hand either go straight or turn right. Again, I realize things might get confusing for you here. So let me make this simple: if you are in the left lane you never ever ever ever get to turn right jack*ss! As I (being a right-laner) was going straight yesterday, your right turn from the left lane was completely inappropriate. That, sir, is why I laid on my horn. I did not mean to scare the shit out of your young child in the passenger seat, but I figured he should know daddy was trying to kill him as his face was about 12" from my front bumper. A**hole.
Fearing for your kid,

Dear Law School Turner-Arounder,
STOP! Seriously, you chose to sit in the front. That means you get a close-up view of the professor. Good face time. Good for you. However, by chosing this seat, you give up the right to stare into the eyes of everyone else in the classroom that speaks. If someone in the last row raises her hand, do you really need to know who it is? Your full-body-turn-around and head bobbing to get a good view is distracting. And annoying. Face forward jack*ss.
I see you,

Dear WonL Readers,
Thanks for listening. I feel better.

UPDATE: The doctor gave me pills. I am feeling muuccch better now.