The random thoughts of an architect-turned- lawyer from the deep south living in Washington, DC...

Monday, November 28, 2005

Great mail day

I got a check from him for this.

I got a plane ticket from them to Key West.

And my absolute favorite: I got a check from them for $320. Granted, it was merely an envelope with a check in it, but I read between the lines to know what they would have said had they enclosed a letter. In my own words (since they gave me none), it would say this:

Dearest bestest most tolerant customer ever,

You know how we have been at odds for months now over your Cingular service? You remember, right? We kept sending you overdue notices tacking on late payment fees. We harassed you with all of those 9am wake up calls from our Cingular recorded guy who kept telling you to pay your bill. C'mon, we continually threatened to interrupt your service. Remember the hours upon hours you spent on the phone with us (using all your minutes) trying to figure out what was going on? You said you were so frustrated with us that you had previously paid $320 online so that we would leave you the hell alone for at least 7-8 months. We told you we never received any money from you. In fact, when you faxed over all of the information and proof from your bank that the money was in fact paid to Cingular and someone from Cingular did in fact receive the money...we just brushed you off. Remember that time that you told the Cingular customer service representative that you never had these problems with AT&T and that they "were by far the worst customer service you have ever come across and that was saying a lot since [you] formerly owned a Dell"? Remember how we thought you were crazy for inventing some phantom Cingular account that contained your $320? We ignored you when you kept begging us to just check our databases. Um, well, yeah, um, we are sorry about that. Apparently, we are morons and we did have your money all along. Apparently, the account was not in fact phantom at all. Apparently, we owe you a huge apology...and $320.

Joe Schuck
of the Committee for Humoring our Chumps (formerly referred to as servicing our customers)

Yeah...I know that's what they meant to say. Honestly, though, an envelope and a check suits me just fine:-)