The random thoughts of an architect-turned- lawyer from the deep south living in Washington, DC...

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I used to love you

Dear Mr. Man on the Metro this morning,

While you seem like a very nice guy, I just don't think things are going to work out between us. In the beginning, it was good. I noticed you the minute I stepped onto the train. In fact, we all noticed you, as you refused to step out of the way and let anyone on to take one of the numerous empty standing spaces on the other side of you. That's okay, I am sure you were just busy thinking of the really important things that run through your mind. Even if you had stepped out of the way, I would have noticed your smell. What was that you were wearing? It brought me back to my high school boyfriend's Drakkar mixed with the lemon Pledge we used to clean the house this weekend. What sweet memories. Whatever it was, you may want to purchase some more, as I assume you spilled the entire bottle on yourself this morning. I was somehow lucky enough to end up standing adjacent to your armpit, which is always a turn on for me. Speaking of turn ons...in a normal setting, I may really appreciate a guy rubbing on my leg, however, I did feel that it was a tad inappropriate on the Metro. As you were doing this, you seemed to notice that I kept looking over at you. Perhaps my tightened lips, squinty eyes, and arched eyebrow gave you the wrong impression. In fact, I am pretty sure it gave you the wrong impression, as you kept winking every time I gave you my version of a nasty look. Although you really seemed to enjoy it, I do apologize for bumping into you over and over. You should understand, though, that it is really difficult to keep one's balance without a shiny silver bar to hold onto. You seem to have found yourself one. In fact, you seem to have claimed the entire bar for yourself. I could tell you were serious not only by the way you clutched it with both hands, but the way you wrapped your entire upper body around the pole. I assume you would have wrapped your legs around too, had you not been too busy stepping on my foot. Not wanting to interfere with your alone time with the pole, I attempted to grab onto the overhead bar. Please understand that as a 5'-2" female (with 2" heels on), it is not an easy task for me to reach this overhead bar, much less keep my hold. Every time the train jerked, my arm was pulled further out of socket, so I had no control over where, or into whom, I was flung. Lucky for me, it seemed to be into you every time. I figured you had enough time with your pole and you should learn to share. You apparently did not feel the same way, and in refusing to pry your upper body away, you chose instead to continuously rub your face against my hand. Again, perhaps not a turn on in this particular setting. I decided to turn my IPOD volume up and think about happier times. I noticed that you wanted to enter my happy place with me. In fact, I noticed that you were almost there. I assume you were leaning so close you my face because you were trying to hear Cory Hart's Sunglasses at Night. I highly suggest you invest in some form of music for your own enjoyment. I am not sure if you realize this, but it is a bit rude to attempt to listen in to someone else's earphone while it is planted firmly in their ear. Just a thought. So anyway, while our time together was fun, I bid thee farewell. I am sure there will be many more to come along like you (probably tomorrow morning, in fact), but know you will always have a special place in my blawg.

All my love,