The random thoughts of an architect-turned- lawyer from the deep south living in Washington, DC...

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Character Reference

Thanks to everyone for your concern! As many of you predicted, things did work themselves out. But not without casualties and a not without a long weekend internalizing this bad situation. While I will not claim to look like a hero, I will say that I came out of this looking okay.

After I read the first few comments on my last post, I began to wonder why this situation was having such a profound effect on me. It's not like we were dealing with something half as serious as the cure for cancer. What happened with the precious item would one day be but a speck on the makeup of my character. Why, then did I spend my entire weekend pondering (read: obsessing over) this situation? Was I making too much out of this? I mean, I knew things were serious because more than one person came to me, looked me in the eye and said "Law-Rah, this is serious." That was before, though. Before I cleaned up the mess. Before I figured out how to fix things. Soon enough, everything would be over and I would have "redeemed" myself. Why, then, am I not okay with that?

My whole life, I have been the determined hard-working one. A friend once said to another friend while talking about me "she'll make you sick. When she says she will do something, even the smallest of things, she will put everything she has into doing it. And she will do it really well." My determination is what has gotten me so far in life and I take great pride in it. When the precious item was broken and eyes turned to me, that determination was being doubted. My hard-work ethic was questioned. The "me" in me was taken away and it was completely out of my control. For someone to think I acted inappropriately, or didn't do exactly what was expected, or didn't live up to a certain standard, it would be a different beast to deal with. But for someone to think I didn't even try? For someone to doubt I took it seriously and put all of my effort into something? That was just really hard for me to accept.

Unbeknownst to you (and to me for that matter):
They sat around the table. The owner of the precious item was there. So was the one who managed the care. You were not invited to this table. The owner, still angry, told them all it was your fault. The one who managed the care sat silently. The owner said he didn't know how it happened or what you were thinking. He only knew it was ultimately your responsibility and it was broken. You never even showed up at the room with the precious item. All the people around the table knew and respected this owner. They didn't really know how to respond. Silence. Glances around the room. Then someone stood up. She said something doesn't seem right. Another stood up and agreed. He knew you well and he knew you would not have allowed this. The one who managed the care sat silently. They continued to stand. You were not there to tell your side of the story. Yet, still they stood. They stood for you. They stood in defense of this character you had worked so hard to build for yourself.

Feels really good.