The random thoughts of an architect-turned- lawyer from the deep south living in Washington, DC...

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Gulf Coast Culture

The GW campus always hosts random groups doing random things. The anti-abortion folks once set up pink and blue flags all over campus signifying dead babies. I once passed up a condoms and cookies where the props could make a grown man blush. People often use the green space right outside the law school to stage things about the killing in Darfur with extremely graphic posters. Today, though...today, I passed the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. GW is hosting "Gulf Coast Culture" for Katrina relief.

In theory, I appreciate their thoughts, but they could have at least talked to someone from the gulf coast beforehand to see what our culture is actually like. With a few modifications, perhaps they could have actually come a tad closer to life down there. Granted, I cannot speak for all of the Gulf Coast, but I can surely speak out for my people. For example:

The Duck Pond - yes, we have ducks down South, but no, we do not walk up to a pond and try to "catch" them. Ducks fly...they do not sit in a pond and wait for someone to walk up with a net so they can swim away. In reality, we take guns and we shoot them. This is done after someone blows the duck call and before the dog is sent to bring back the dead duck that we then make into sausage or nuggets or burgers or anything else we please.

King Cakes - Let's begin with the fact that there is actually a season for king cakes and they are only available in the time leading up to Mardi Gras. Well, let's pretend it's Mardi Gras (which won't be hard considering the amount of beads that are strewn about.) The problem comes in with the whole "one who finds the candy inside wins." This just doesn't work. That concept fits much better with Pinata's. Although near in proximity, we are not Mexico...we are Louisiana. We put little plastic babies in our King Cakes. Candy? Really? Like still in the wrapper?

Cow Milking - Perhaps I was too far removed from the farm (growing up in the city of Baton Rouge)...but we did not milk cows, we tipped them. Yep, when cows sleep standing up, you can walk right up to them, give them a small push and over they go. We saved the "milking" for the people at the dairy or for those swedish maids from TV.

Lobster Bake - Yes, you did read that right. Lobster. The only place you find those in Louisiana is at Red Lobster. (I only know this from the TV commercials, as my father forbid us to go there growing up because their seafood wasn't "real", it was from the freezer.) Anyway, I think lobsters come from Maine. I assume they are confusing lobster with crawfish. However, I am truly confused as to how this can be done.

I do not think I will be giving my three bucks to milk a fake cow or bake a fake lobster. Thanks for the thoughts, though!