The random thoughts of an architect-turned- lawyer from the deep south living in Washington, DC...

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Why blog?

Lately, I have been plagued by a certain question and attitude that I wish to address. Since the whole concept of blogging, (or opening up your personal journal for the world to see) has become so prevalent, many people don't understand it. I admit that in the beginning, I too had my doubts. I thought that someone must be really pompous to have their own website and think that people would care to look at it daily and see what they are doing. I spent quite some time reading other people's thoughts before I decided to jump on the bandwagon. Lately, a few people have questioned why I chose to do so and what I get out of it.

I cannot admit to an easy answer to that question. It keeps me sane. It keeps me grounded. It's my way to vent. It's my way to put down on paper/screen everything in my head. If I get it out, then it doesn't keep spinning around in there. That space is pretty limited and important these days. Maybe it's because I love to tell stories. Sometimes, I hear or see something funny and I just want to tell everyone. When I put in on WonL, I imagine that people get smiles on their faces when they read it. At least I hope you do. Maybe I do this because since I have started law school, I don't have the time to communicate with my very best friends anymore. I have been trying for three weeks to find time to have dinner with my best friend. That's sad! It means the world to me when I see that she logs on daily to keep up with my life. Maybe it because once I went back to school, I lost control over so many things in my life. My time, my sleeping, my eating, my life is now being controlled by classes. With this blog, I control it. I need that something that is on my time and can be done my way. Maybe it's because I know my mom reads this and I know it makes her proud. My family has never been one with really open lines of communication. When I found out that she passed WonL on to all of her friends and they read it daily, I know it's her way of telling me she is proud of me. Maybe I feel when I come home at night like I am still semi-anonymous and can just open up. Maybe it's for the excitement I get when a "blog-idol" links to me. Maybe it's looking at it everyday in hopes that someone will have left me a comment. Maybe it's for the bonds I feel like I have made with people since I started this. Maybe it's because I can look back on old thoughts/posts and re-live that day and that excitement. Maybe it's looking ahead to five years from now, when I will want to look back and laugh at how trivial this all was. Maybe it's for the strangers who contact me to tell me they like what I have to say. Maybe it's for the strangers I have found that have opened my eyes to other people's views and perspectives. Maybe it's for the people I hope to help. If just one person reads this and thinks 'damn, I feel that way too' then I feel like this was worth it. Maybe it's for the people I think of as my friends that I have never met. The people who read this. The people who I read. Maybe it's just a nice feeling after six hours of work, then six hours of school, to come home and think that someone gives a shit.

Someone said to me "yeah, but I am a private person...I could never do that." Well, I have always had a hard time opening up. Walls don't get built much higher than mine. This is helping me; letting me get it all out. Yeah, it is scary as hell pushing that "publish" button sometimes. At the same time, it's a liberating feeling. I'm not here to talk about politics, or to show how smart I am, or to show funny pictures. I'm just here to be me. And that, my friends, can sometimes be harder than you think!

So, to the guy who admitted to me today that he has a blog and isn't ready for the world to know, I say: AWESOME! Use it for whatever reasons you want...it is solely in your control. But, if you do go public, I better be the first to know:-) Oh, and to the guy who said, "blogs are for losers" I say &%#*)* %^$#(&^. Oh yeah, and don't read them if you don't want to!