The random thoughts of an architect-turned- lawyer from the deep south living in Washington, DC...
Monday, October 30, 2006
If you can't say something nice...shut the hell up.I consider myself very respectful of most people, especially those older than me. However, there is a line...a line that once crossed, all bets are off. I had the most fascinating conversation with one of the women attending my friend's wedding. I was riding in the back seat on the way to the bridal luncheon while bride's mom drove and bride's mom's friend (BMF) sat in the passenger seat. To put this in context, you should imagine BMF as a 50 year old woman from old Texas money with a thick southern accent. The convo went something like this:
BMF: So, how do you know the bride?
Me: We were in the same sorority but at different schools. We met at an alumni function.
BMF: Oh. So, are you engaged?
Me: (woah, left field!) Um, no ma'am.
BMF: Well, don't you worry about that. I am sure there will be some single young men at the reception.
Me: Oh, I'm not worried about it. I'm not exactly available.
BMF: What do you mean?
Me: I'm actually in a long distance relationship.
BMF: Oh, sweetie, those things never work.
BMF: They just don't.
Me: Well, I think we have something pretty special so right now, we are both trying our hardest to make it work.
BMF: Well, it's not going to be easy.
Me: I'm learning that, but we are in this together.
BMF: Where is he?
BMF: Oh, that doesn't stand a chance.
Me: (irritated) You know what, ma'am -
Bride's Mom (interrupting) - Well, Law-Rah has a trip planned to London in a few months. They are spending Christmas and New Year's together.
BMF: Well, I had a long distance love once. Like you, I thought it was real. We were going to get married and have a life together. One day, he was gone and my heart was broken. He will break your heart.
Me: (in a pretty snotty tone) Considering I have had my heart broken a few times in D.C. proper, I am willing to venture out. Besides, I am very happy right now and isn't that all that really matters?
(car gets silent for a little while...I think someone makes a reference to the rain)
BMF: What does this gentleman in London do?
Me: He manages a bar.
BMF: Well that isn't very promising.
Me: (at wit's end) Well, ma'am, considering my last boyfriend was a lawyer making $250,000 a year who treated me like shit and the one before that was a doctor who cheated on me...I'll take my bar manager over them both. But I do so appreciate your take on things.
When we got out of the car and I wrapped a scarf around my head to shield my umbrella-less self from the rain, BMF said "oh, she looks like one of those Muslim women." I thought it best at that point to just walk away.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
It finally hit me. The exhaustion has just taken over.
Attempting to translate the Tax Code and wrap my head around forty years of complex asbestos class action law suits while simultaneously getting in touch with a woman who was captured by the Taliban for a thirty page research pape I am writing AND hand-holding eleven students in their memo research...is kinda killing me. I'm not real sure who said third year was supposed to be easy, but they were full of it. Additionally, confronting a student who may/may not be cheating and also fighting with my fellow committee members about how our Class of 2007 gift should be spent made for a rough few days. Add on the fact that I am intaking only 1300 calories a day and I am generally moody due to my current relationship situation...well, you have a pretty worn down Law-Rah right about now.
My mind is so spent, I cannot do/think/read/write/huh? I poured myself a glass of wine when I got home from school at 11pm and I am physically too tired to drink it.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Pissy RedMight you be wondering how to start your Pissy Tuesday off right? Go to sleep scantily clad at 3am then wake up at 8am when the man on the scaffolding PEERING into your fourteenth floor window accidentally knocks his head on the glass. Oh, did you think this man on the scaffolding was supposed to be working? Yeah, me too.
In an effort to prove to the world that I am not the only pissy one around, two weeks ago other folks out there indulged me with their stories. Things that piss off my readers include: lurkers, speaker phones in cubicles, law students with attitude (believe it or not, that one was not mine), pressure to have a baby, going back to work after vacation, slow drivers, Wendy's, law school elevators and ex-wives. This week, I asked the very lovely and talented (and pissy) Red of Life of Red to get us started...
Pissy Tuesday Traffic
Signs have been up for over a month talking about upcoming lane shifts, due to construction, on Connecticut Avenue in Cleveland Park. They knew this would be traumatizing to the traffic so they put up lights to define which lane is for which direction.
They finally started the construction on the street and turned on the lane lights alerting people to the changes. My question is why do I seem to be the only one that understands them? If you are in a lane and look directly up to see a big red X wouldn't you think maybe you're in the wrong lane? Yeah a big Red X means move cause your in Red's way.
The lane shifts are due to construction on the Klingle Bridge. Yes, that bridge is called the Klingle Bridge.
That's what pisses of Miss Red. What pisses you off?
Monday, October 23, 2006
Oh the beepingDear Bank of America,
I am just not so sure this shiny new & "improved" ATM of yours is a good idea. Allow me to explain. You see, I went to one of your branches the other day to deposit a few checks. Now, in terms of "big money" (from like, a paycheck if I had one), that would be directly deposited from the company into my bank account. However, with smaller checks from relatives or credit card companies or whatnot, I still deposit those the old fashion way...into your little machine. Anyway, I ran into a bit of a problem while attempting to deposit checks into your new & "improved" ATM.
Now, I don't wanna brag or anything, but I am usually pretty good at being quick at ATMs. Everything is endorsed before I arrive. To ensure speediness, I multi-task by reaching over to grab an envelope while your machine is "retrieving [my] account information." This time, to my dismay, there are no envelopes when I reach. Not as in, the bin ran out of envelopes, but as in there is just no bin. Thoroughly confused, I begin to look around. By now, the line behind me is two people deep. I realize that this shiny ATM had the ability to take my deposit without an envelope. Hmmm. "No staples or tape please" read the sign. Um, okay, but how do I deposit all of my checks at once? Oh gawd, the thing is beeping at me. People are staring. I grab one of my checks and just shove it in the little blinking slot. The screen tells me to wait while my check is being scanned. The machine is still beeping at me. Very loudly. The screen changes and the beeping stops. Now, the check I just put into the machine is in the form of a scanned image on the screen. It asks me if this is my check. Well yeah, of course it's my check, I did just give it to you. Thank you...what would you like to do next? Um, deposit another check.
Repeat process. During my second period of check scanning (read: machine beeping loudly while I stand there doing nothing), the lady behind me asks if everything is okay. I turn to tell her yes and notice the line is about six deep by this point. Aw man, I am THAT ATM user. I hate THAT user. You know, the one that takes so long because she is using her time at the front of the line to check her balance in every account, then do her monthly budget after balancing her checkbook. Yeah, people are looking at me like I look at her. I give the sorriest look I can and loudly say "yeah, it's scanning my check. I am not sure why, but it's scanning my check."
When I finally finish the inserting/scanning/beeping process for all of my checks, it prints me a receipt. For whatever reason, this too, takes an eternity. As my very large receipt comes out of the machine, I notice the pictures of all my checks. The scanned images of each check I just deposited is right there in miniature version on my receipt. Now, BoA, I ask you...is this really necessary? I truly hope this change is not something you did for your customers because I assure you, although my receipt is adorable, the process is fairly obnoxious.
THAT girl at the ATM,
Friday, October 20, 2006
I realize that relationships are difficult. I realize that you have to work very hard at it to make things work. I realize that men and women are just wired differently and sometimes what we ladies interpret or think is off base. BUT. Sometimes, just sometimes, I need to be needy. I do not consider myself a high maintenance type girlfriend, but I am still a woman. A woman who occasionally over-analyzes and doubts and feels un-loved and un-appreciated. I can fight it all I want. There is an element inside of me that is just plain needy. An element that I often times try to hide or push back. But that woman needy element is there and will probably always be there.
needy a female
When these moments arose with my last boyfriend, I tried to talk to him about it. His response was always something to the effect of "ugh, Law-Rah, you need to understand that guys don't like to talk about things. Girls always want to talk. I am a guy and I hate talking. You just need to understand that." So, I would then sulk and go back to living it out in my head.
And then there is Ben. When I finally opened up to him about how I was feeling he sat on the phone with me for an hour and a half trying to understand. He simplified it with "oh, I understand this one. You are lonely and when a person is lonely, they think negative. It's very easy, you just have to be positive." Through my tears I tried to explain to him that it is just not that easy. He said that we are in this together and he will help make it easy. He said that he cannot live with me being sad.
Maybe that's it. Maybe my whole life I just needed someone who would work through it with me and not make me figure it out on my own.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Fortune CookieI did not used to put much stock in the fortunes out of the little cookies. However, ever since this summer, I feel like some little fortune cookie maker somewhere is making them just for me. (Thinking back to the lunch I had with the hiring partner of law firm when my fortune read "you will make a good lawyer.")
Insane amounts of stress lately (in addition to a 1300 calorie a day diet) led me straight to the chinese food takeout place on Monday. After indulging in some Kung Pao Chicken, I opened my fortune and read "Good news will come to you from far away." Of course, I immediately thought good news would be coming from London. Right? Good because I could really use some good news from London right about now.
On Tuesday, I got an email from a lady who had found my blog and read back through my summer romance posts. She has a background in the Arab Muslim world including an ex-husband and a masters degree. She offered to answer any cross-cultural questions I might have. Sweet! When I emailed her back, I let her know that I am writing a paper this semester about women in the Muslim world and could very well use some of her help. This lady, who I have never met and who only recently began reading my blog emailed me back the most in depth wonderful email ever. She gave me people to contact, books to read, she clarified many of my thoughts, and basically formed a research plan for my paper. If nothing else, she gave me a place to start...something I have been looking for for months!
Today, I realized this lady has a blog. A blog called "Life Far Away". I smiled ten minutes later as I was cleaning the living room and found my fortune "Good news will come to you from far away."
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
RamblesHead (jumbled). (Thoughts) spinning. Can't sleep. So many red flags. Do I head them? Am I being paranoid? Puffy eyes. Need sleep. So stressed out. And sad. Still not sleeping. Can't do this anymore.
Sometimes, things pile up so high and the thoughts get so jumbled I don't even know where to begin to dig myself out. I'm talking one huge 'relationship-family-work-friends-school-future-money' mess. A mess that is bogging me down and growing it's way into every aspect of my life. Writing usually helps, but lately, I can't even form coherent sentences because I just don't know where to start. Not to mention, the words on the paper or the screen don't even scratch the surface. Since writing isn't helping and a few friends are making it worse, I have been attempting to sort through and deal with these things...in my own head.
Let me assure you, my head is the least safe place for these jumbled thoughts to be. Kinda like feeding a gremlin after midnight, my jumbled thoughts just grow and grow and spawn more jumbled thoughts and eventually, I think they grow scary teeth and take over my life. Yep, I'm there. What started out as insecure or confused thoughts has turned into an out of control jumbled mess. This is no good. After taking the first few days of my week away from my thoughts, I have decided that the remainder of my week will consist of days-o-confrontation. One by one (less intimidating that way), I need to handle these situations. I'm not sure how, but I am sure that I cannot continue the same way I have been.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Get your picture taken
Saturday, October 14, 2006
No one was in costumeAfter indulging in a free meal and a few adult beverages to celebrate some friends passing the VA Bar, I mosied on over to the DC Blogger Happy Hour last night. This was the first one I've been to in quite some time and I gotta say, I had a blast! (The fact that Velvet "baked" helped:-) Always nice to hang out with friends I don't see as often as I would like and of course, to make some new ones. I arrived late and left early so I'm sure I lack the stories to make for an "interesting" re-cap...however, it was GREAT to meet everyone!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Huh?(Grey's Anatomy spoiler alert)
I'm glad Grey's is back on track and all (oh admit it, you thought last week's episode was weak!) Anyway, I'm glad that they brought back the emotion and made me cry with Denny's sexy voice. And I'm glad Izzie got fiesty again. And I'm glad Burke finally cooked the chicken. And I'm glad Meredith got all drugged up and spread her business all over the hospital. And I'm glad that for once, McDreamy seemed like the bigger man. And I'm glad that Finn won't be getting really hurt. And I am glad Alex is no longer doing Obstetrics. But...what. in. the. hell. is. this?
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Anger Management (blogger input needed)Over the past few Pissy Tuesdays, I have found that many share my angst over this long dreadful day-o-stress. And everyone seems to have stories of things that work their nerves to the point of wanting to scream. What better place to vent your stories than WonL on Pissy Tuesday, right?
I will start off with a little story about law school elevator ettiquitte. The background: Lerner hall has four floors. The stairwells are barely wide enough to fit people walking in opposite directions and therefore can be a frustrating experience. However, the elevator seems to have been designed and installed in 1930 and I think there may actually be a little man with a pulley at the top because the Lerner elevator is so slooooooooowwwwww. This means that people usually reserve their elevator use for trips from Floor 1 to Floor 4. The only other stops permissible are for elderly, girls in really spikey heels (which is a post for another day) or injured students. If ever you get onto the elevator on Floor 2 and off on Floor 3, expect people to hate you. Furthermore, if I am on the elevator and it is pissy tuesday, expect me to say something to you. Now, to my story:
Myself and a stranger get onto the slow Lerner elevator on Floor 1 and push the button for Floor 4. For whatever reason, elevator heads down to the basement. At this point, doors open and two chatty 1Ls with rolly bags come into view. NotCool1L steps onto the elevator as Cool1L says "oh, I'm only going to Floor 1, I don't want to make y'all stop for me. I will take the stairs" and does not get on the elevator. (I immediately have a newfound respect for Cool1L with the rolly bag.) Doors close and NotCool1L (who got on the elevator even after her friends announcement), pushes the button for Floor 1. Stranger and I look at each other in disbelief. Didn't she just hear her friend? She cannot claim to not know the ruless? I assure you, I am normally the first person to speak up and say "really, only one floor?" For some reason, in this instance, I kept my mouth shut. I guess I was just so shocked. Instead, I stood there and silently hoped this girl felt guilty and lazy the entire four minutes between the basement and the first floor. Up. Up. Up. First floor...doors open. Stupid freaking NotCool1L just stands there. She does not get off the dang elevator. In fact, she gazes out of the open doors as if "someone" accidentally pushed the wrong button. Yeah, jackass, you did! At this point, stranger cannot hold it in anymore and starts sighing and shaking her head in disbelief. I think that NotCool1L knew she was the most annoying person in the law school because she ended up riding the entire way up to Floor 4 with us, probably scared to push another button.
So, anyone piss you off lately?
OH, COME ON PEOPLE...I KNOW VELVET AND I ARE NOT THE ONLY PISSY ONES OUT THERE!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
On Sundays, I cry.
On Sundays, the stress of another week gone by comes crashing down. Seven more days without him. Me living my life and him living his. He was in my head and my heart every single moment of my week. But he wasn't here. I close my eyes and try to feel like I am in his arms again. Then I cry. I know that I have to face another week apart from him.
On Sundays, I reread old blog posts. I stare at pictures. I listen to songs that remind me of him. And I cry. I pray that there will be a Sunday that I don't feel like this. A Sunday where we will have dinner and snuggle on the sofa and know that we will be together on Monday. And Tuesday. And forever.
Until then, on Sundays I cry.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
De-stressedI live my life with a million and one things on my plate. Since I have been dealing with an inability to say no and this over-achieverness my entire life, I have learned to manage my stress so it doesn't take over and make situations worse. Usually, I am pretty good at it. Usually. Lately I have been feeling extremely stressed out. I'm talking the "all I want to do is hide in my closet and sleep only I can't sleep because I have too much on my mind" kind of stressed out.
Granted, I have a lot going on in my life, but I have had plenty more than this at once and not felt so weighed down. Let's see....I have to figure out which Bar exam to take, then do the 3,548 pages of paperwork that go along with it; I have to teach classes where students hang on my every word and I quite honestly don't know most of the answers; I have a 30-page paper to write that is going to take an insane amount of research and I have not begun; I am behind in every single one of my classes; I have two weddings for my two closest friends in the upcoming month, complete with showers, bachelorette parties, and a dress I barely fit into; my during-school job "fell through" and I have no money...wait...nail...head. I am so broke and it stresses me out.
Financial woes, like no other source of stress in my life, can bring me to my knees in an instant. To have no expendable income is such a consuming form of stress, one that I am just not good at handling. Prior to my trip this summer, co-workers told me "enjoy this because it may be your last opportunity to travel stress free for a while." And I did. And I cleaned out my savings in the process. Don't get me wrong, I would not change a single thing about this summer but I just wish that money did grow on trees or that London was less expensive. Which brings us full circle to my upcoming trip back to London. On my current budget, not only will I have zero dollars to spend in those three weeks, but I will also lack the rent money to leave with my roommate for January.
My current tight financial spot with no room for wiggling (and I like to wiggle) got me thinking. What in my life can I give up or cut back on? Drinking...done. Eating out...done. Starbucks...done. What else? I have decided that for the next 73 days, my grooming habits will take a drastic turn for the cheaper. Calm down, I will still be bathing daily. I just began to think about how utterly expensive girly grooming can be and have decided to improvise. For the next 73 days my hair will not be cut & nothing will be commercially waxed or painted (these things can be done in the comfort of my home...albeit not as well), uppity gym membership will be put on hold (free GW undergrad gym here I come), expensive grooming products will not be purchased (Suave...if you can't tell the difference, why should I?) I am even foregoing new shoes. Any new shoes. So, if you see me walking around in the next few months (probably still in my flip-flops) looking a little "off", please try to understand. Girl grooming is just plain expensive.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Musical SaturdayAs noted below, I failed miserably at my attempt to be anti-social and study this weekend. That continued last night when a friend of mine called with more tickets:
"Law-Rah, I realize you are studying, but um, tonight..."
"I'm not going."
"Well, we have this extra ticket..."
"I'm not going."
"It's to the Aerosmith concert."
"Motley Crue is opening for them."
Hey Tommy, check that out. What, Vince, where?
Nissan Pavillion is always good for people watching. I'm sure you can imagine how much more interesting things get at Nissan when the people are there to see Motley Crue and Aerosmith. We saw more old people making out than I ever cared to see. Ever. Oh, and the mullets. The curly-haired-back shaved-top rattail-included mullets. And the pleather. So much pleather. Went well with the abundance of Motley Crue shirts.
Seasons must change. Separate paths separate ways.
Sigh. Vince Neil. I used to have posters of him on my walls when I was a kid. I just knew in my heart that Without You was meant for me. When I grew up, I wanted to be one of his dancers. Then someone told me you needed boobs for that and let's just say I was not so well endowed back in the mid-80's. (I was also like ten years old.) Even though my life turned out a bit differently than I had dreamed, I did really enjoy re-living my childhood to Dr. Feelgood, Girls Girls Girls, Same Ol' Situation, Wild Side, Rattlesnake Shake, & Home Sweet Home. The Crue also played some of their newer stuff, which I can honestly (and thankfully) say that I had never heard. Their pyrotechnics and videography on the big screen was pretty amazing. Vince is kinda, um, old and raspy now. He did mention he was losing his voice, but I have decided just to remember him and the Crue the way they were twenty years ago. At one point, I got nostalgic and called my older brother (whose tapes I used to steal...yes, I said tapes) and tell him where I was. He said "man, that venue must be pretty desperate." I told him they were actually just opening for Aerosmith.
I'll tell you little secret make you want to jump and shout.
Aerosmith rocked! Unlike Vince, Steve Tyler has not changed a bit. The man is like going on 80 years old and has more energy than all the youngins I was with. He sure can command a stage. All over the place. And the music, as could be expected, was phenomenal. (This is also about the time most of the old people started making out.) I was a bit saddened that Janie Got a Gun didn't make it onto their list. I was also bummed that they waited until the encore to play Walk This Way. Ya see, me and my friends are the "get the hell out of Nissan parking area before we have to sit in traffic for two hours" kinda girls, so when the venue quits serving beer, that is our cue to leave. We did get to hear the beginning of the song on our way out. I'm not even going to attempt a recap of Aerosmith songs because they just played everything they could fit into a couple of hours. Amazing.
All in all, 'twas a great show and a wonderful addition to my anti-socializing weekend.